Pain Without Love
by Oathkeeper13
Summary: Noctis is in so much pain from the girl that he loved, she betrayed him. He's lost all his trust in her. He self harms and he cries his self to sleep every night. What will happen when the two meet? Warning: self harm. One shot.


He opened the nightstand drawer to find his knife, the knife that made him feel good every time it left marks on his body. As he picked it up, he saw a folded piece of paper. He took it out of the drawer and he unfolded it. It was his unmistakably his hand writing, it is stained with what could be blood. It was a suicide note that he wrote a few days ago.

 _I know I would be a great father someday and a great King,_

 _but I don't see myself having a future._

 _I think it's time for me to go,_

 _I can't stand living this way._

 _Thank you for believing in me._

 _I love you all so much!_

 _Your son,_

 _Noctis_

He cried. He was going to end his life three days ago, but he didn't have the time or he didn't want to. Is it because he's afraid? Is he afraid of death, what is he afraid of? Maybe leaving the ones that love him? Yeah... sure they do... He believes that nobody wants him around, and nobody cares about him. It's not true, his friends and his family love him. He does know that they love him.

He's surrounded by love everyday. Why does he self harm? Why does he feel the way he feels? Why does he want to end his life? What pain caused him to be like this? The people around him would be heartbroken if he left this world, and he knows it.

When he's around with his family and friends, he seems happy, he smiles and laughs, but when he's alone in his room it's a whole different story. He wished he could be happy and restart his life and his memories so he can forgot about everything that he went through, but he can't. He just doesn't want to live this life anymore.

He needs help, and he knows it. Why doesn't he reach out to anyone? They would be willing to help him. There is no way they could help him get rid of his past. He can't heal from the past, the past stays with him. He's not the only one, right? Some how he needs to let the past go. The only way to do that is to end it, not let it go.

He wants to find happiness again, he hasn't been the way he felt in far too long. He misses his old self, he wants it back, but he just can't. There is no way he can, there is nothing that can help him.

So he is afraid of death and leaving the ones he loves behind. He has to stay alive for them, not himself. He makes them happy that he's there, he just doesn't seem to be that happy anymore.

What damaged him to become this way? Maybe he experienced betrayal? Maybe he trusted someone so much that they betrayed him? Or maybe he lost someone close to him? Who knows what happened to him.

Could it be all in his head and he's letting it destroy him? Maybe he just needs a vacation, but will that be helpful? Will that get him out of his state of mind?

"Nobody cares about me. I am not good enough," he said softly as he made new cuts on his legs.

Nobody knows that he cuts. He's been cutting for a year now. He never wears shorts or short sleeved shirts either, he wants to keep the scares hidden. He studied at the new markings he made. "Why am I doing this? What is even the point?" But it does make him feel better, so pain makes him feel good? Or does he find cutting his skin away take his pain away and it makes him feel better? It could help him make him feel alive. But what does that actually feel like?

A sudden knock was at his door. "Hold on a sec." He quickly pulled down his sleeve and he put his knife back in where it was and he stuffed the note in his pants pocket. "Okay."

His friend Prompto opened the door and he wore a big grin on his face. He must be happy about something. "Hey Noct! Iggy, Gladio and I are going to ride some chocobos! Wanna come?"

In his state would he want to be out in the world? "Nah, go ahead without me. I have studying to do."

"Don't give me that excuse! You weren't studying, you're just sitting on your bed, doing nothing. Now let's go!"

"I'm really serious. I have a test in a few days." This wasn't a excuse he really did have studying to do. He always had to keep his grades up, he wanted to please his father and his friends. "Don't you have studying to do?"

"Nah, it can wait." Prompto was always known for not studying, he rather have fun then sit and study for a few hours. He thinks it's a waste of time.

"Well if you think studying is a waste of time, then taking the test is a waste of time."

"Yep. I'd rather spend the day relaxing. School is hard and you have to wake up early."

"You're the one wasting time."

"Hey! Don't get sassy with me!"

Noctis laughed. "Now go. I have better things to do other than wasting my time."

The blonde let out a sigh and he left the room. Finally he was alone once again. He hopped of his bed and he sat at his desk and got out his notes from his school bag, which was leaning against the desk.

What never left his mind was that note. Why did he write it and not do anything about it? Maybe he's not ready to die. He then thought about his friends and some memories they had together, like going off and doing op photo shoots, riding chocobos for the whole day, and going for longs drives and talk about what's on your mind. Maybe that's what he needs to do, is tell his friends what's on his mind.

Whenever his father was free they always spent the whole day doing whatever. He loved those days, he loves his father so much. If he ended his life, what kind of pain would it cause his father? He lost his wife, he doesn't need to lose his son, his son needs him.

He should stay alive and love every moment he has with his father and his friends. He should focus on the things he loves, he chaises.

A knock was on his door echoed throughout his room. He let out a sigh, he didn't want to be bothered, he wanted to be alone. "Yeah."

The door opened and his father walked in. "Son, we are going to have a ball this Saturday. Lady Lunafreya will be attending."

"What? Luna can't come! You know that!" He yelled out of anger. Something bad happened between the two, she broke his heart.

"She is welcomed. I'm sure you got over her, right?"

Noct shook his head. "No, and I never will! I'm not going to the ball if she's there."

"Alright calm down. You don't have to go. I'll just tell everyone that you're sick."

A smile grew on his lips. "Thank you, father."

"I'd do anything for you. I don't want you to stay up too late."

"I won't."

A few hours has passed and he put away his notes. He felt very tired and his brain was overwhelmed by the studying that he had done. He quickly changed out of his clothes and put on his pajamas and he climbed into bed.

He stared up at the dark ceiling, with tears rolling down his cheeks. "Luna, why?" Him and Luna use to be good friends and they even dated. But she betrayed him and fell for someone else, she even lied to him.

She's the one that causes the pain. "I trusted you, why would you do this to me?" His voice turned into sobs. He often cries himself to sleep every night.

...

Tonight is the day of the ball. Noctis just stayed in his room.

He would like to go, but Luna is there.

He sat on his bed, with his knife in his hand- making more scars on his body.

His bedroom door opened. "Noctis! What are you doing?!" A females voice said.

Noctis stopped what he was doing and he put his knife away. "Luna, what the hell are you doing here?"

"You cut too?" Noctis looked at her confused. She pulled down her long sleeve.

There were all kinds of markings on her arm. "I cut too." She then pulled down her sleeve.

His blue eyes turned suddenly sad. "But why? Why are you here?"

"In here to talk to you." She sat on his bed.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Just listen then. I'm so sorry about what happened. I deeply regret it so much. All it did was cause so much pain." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "That day when I broke your heart. I thought I did what was right, but it wasn't. So I became depressed and I cut so I can feel better."

Noctis is sobbing during her conversation. "Luna, I don't ever want to see you again. Get the hell out of my room!"

"No! I'm trying to make things right."

"So you can screw shit up! I don't think so!" He said with anger. "I don't want you in my life."

She sobbed loudly. "Noctis, I love you." She then left his room.

Noctis cried his eyes out, he cried all night long.

...

The door of his room opened quickly.

"Noct, look at this!" Ignis had a shook look on his face as he handed his friend the news paper.

Noctis read the headline. "Princess Lunafreya is dead?! Wait, what?"

"It was suicide. Very sad... It's too bad she didn't get help."

Tears filled the boy's eyes. It was is fault. He should've let Luna stay in his room but instead he was an ass about it. "It's my fault!" He then sobbed.

"What is?"

"Luna came in my room last night so we could talk. She seemed upset, but all I did was shoo her out."

The older man sat on the bed and he wrapped his friend in a hug. "I would've done the same if someone broke my heart. Noct, I don't want you to end your life over this, she's not worth it."

Noctis buried his face into his neck and he cried. The last words that Luna said echoed in the back of his mind.

 _"Noctis, I love you."_

He shouldn't of let her walk out the door, he should've stopped her, none of this would've happened.

"She even told me she loved me."

"Why would she say that?"

"Maybe... Sh-she planned on ending her life that night?"

"If I recall from the ball she did seem upset. I asked what's wrong. She said that she'd like to talk to you. So I let her go in your room."

Noctis lifted up his head and he wiped his tears. "God, I wish I gave her a second chance."

"That might've saved her. I think she wanted you to forgive her."

"Yeah maybe. She told me to listen, but I wouldn't."

"Try not to think about it."

"Yeah, I will try."

It's been about a week since she died. Noctis sent his days locked in his room crying or he'd go visit the graveyard.

He can't stand the pain that he's living with. If he let her stay in his room, his pain could've been gone and she would be still alive.

He stood in front of her grave with a rose in his hand. He placed it by the tomb stone. "Luna, I am so sorry about what happened. You can blame me. I should've listened to you."

He stood to his feet and he took the knife out of his pocket. "I'm going to go see you. I can't deal living with this pain and without you." He pushed the knife into his heart.

His body fell right on top of her...

...

He ended up getting buried next to her.

His father and friends are in a great depression. They wish there was something that they could do.

They had no idea that he was depressed or was suicidal.

His father found the suicide note and it broke his broke everyone's hearts.

He finally did it, he was never afraid of death. He just wanted it to be the right time to end his life.

He no longer lives in pain. He's now dead, he's nothing but a ghost that is haunting the graveyard with the girl he wanted to be with, now they're together again.


End file.
